Addiction vs. Fulfillment

Addictive things are rarely fulfilling, and fulfilling things are rarely addictive.

On a recent walk, I found myself marveling at the amount of wooded area between houses and apartment complexes. It was a sweet, warm summer evening, and part of me instinctively wondered why more people don’t go explore the hills and trees that sit just outside their window, whether it’s their backyard or a nearby public park. I concluded that walking around the same area of trees might become boring after enough days doing so. But then, we opt instead to rewatch the same TV shows inside those windows everyday, zombie-scrolling the same apps. How is that not even more boring?

Addictive things, like Tik-Tok and Netflix, don’t bore us in the moment, but strangely enough, when we look back on the hours spent, we realize we actually were bored. We were just too comfortable to realize it. Put another way, these actions are not fulfilling. On the flip-side, things that are fulfilling, like making plans to meet friends, or exercising, or walking calmly through the nature of one’s neighborhood, are rarely addictive. These things take a bit more effort, and aren’t such an easy blast of cheap dopamine. I feel this sometimes, when I have an opportunity to meet friends for trivia, or dinner, or simply to sit around and watch a football game. On occasion, I feel a lingering desire to opt out. In that moment, the enticing idea rears its strong pull: sitting down, turning on a funny show, chilling. You’ve probably seen the memes of people rejoicing at the canceling of plans. We can now engage in the low-effort, high-dopamine activity we desire. But, what the meme doesn’t show is that three hours later, we feel a nagging emptiness. We should’ve just done the thing. Taken the effort. We find ourselves unfulfilled. And yet, we continue to default to that same unfulfilling activity that we know won’t make us happy in the long term… addiction defined.

I say this as a reminder to myself as much as I say it to anyone else: the addictive activity is almost never going to fulfill us. And the fulfilling activity is rarely so easily adopted as an addiction. What’s worrisome is that there seems to be a growing trend, often reinforced online, that not engaging with our surroundings (we don’t explore the woods), or with other people (we stay in), or even with our own thoughts (we distract ourselves with scrolling and binge-watching), is something to laugh off and chalk up to self care. *Insert emoji-laden Facebook meme about Netflix, pajamas, and wine*

You might ask about the person who runs every day because of how much they enjoy it, or the surfer who wants nothing more than to ride another barrel, or the gym bro who keeps chasing a PR. They seem happily addicted, and those activities are pretty fulfilling, right? Yeah, I agree. I wouldn’t say they’re addicted though. The difference here is that it took effort for them to get there. They had to get off the couch, lace up their runners, or learn to surf. It wasn’t as easy as just opening an app, or turning on a favorite episode. They trained their mind to understand that this will bring more fulfillment than the easy comforts they have around the apartment. Of course, these activities can also be overdone, and affect other areas of life. Frankly, that’s a different discussion. I may be the preeminent think-piece blogger of our time, but even I can’t cover every facet of human joy in one article.

The secret to painting life with more color is really doing things, rather than reverting to the same cheap activities that leave us longing. This is not me telling you to delete social media, give up junk food, and never watch Parks & Rec again. I like all of those things, and there will be times I may choose them over something more fulfilling. Everybody needs to hear Ron Swanson gripe every once in a while. I’m just warning you (and myself) not to replace the truly good things in life with those easy, alluring comforts. It’s calming in the moment to know that you don’t have to shower, drive to a friend’s, and engage in conversation with new faces, and instead you can relax, make some popcorn, and watch your show. Every once in a while, it might be just what you need. But, do this enough, and your life turns gray. If you sit inside and do the same things you always do, it’s unlikely anything new will happen. If you go out and engage with the world, alone or with others, you’re more likely to encounter new experiences. And the best thing about that: perceived time slows down when we have more new experiences. In other words, the more novelty we introduce to our lives, the more we stretch time. You’ll have to give more effort, but you’ll be happier with the result.

A caveat: depression is something that can trap people in this mode of comfort. I don’t mean to say that it should be equally easy for everyone to leave these habits. I only mean to call out that these addictive behaviors seem to be getting quite normalized, and that we should be cognizant of their destructive ability.

They say you can choose your hard. Discipline is hard. Regret is hard. I think we all know which is worse. Have the discipline to turn down your comforts, and you’ll avoid the regret of a season, a year, or a life wasted away unengaged. You’ll thank yourself later.

-John